How to Deescalate a Conflict

If you’re a little older like me, you may remember Major League Baseball confrontations between an old-school manager (think Billy Martin, Earl Weaver, or Tommy Lasorda) and an umpire. Both men’s faces were beet-red. They were nose-to-nose and spittle (and sometimes tobacco juice) were flying out of their mouths. Effective communication was not taking place as they screamed profanities at each other. It was fun for the fans but offered zero conflict resolution.

In the previous Ready for Play, we discussed how officials must not match the coach’s level of intensity. We need to deescalate the situation and soothe rather than incite. We need to listen and clearly and completely understand the coach’s concern.

Wait for the coach to completely state his concern/complaint. If you think you are missing a contributing factor, ask clarification questions. When you are sure you entirely understand the concern, you can respond.

If the coach interrupts the response, stop talking and continue to listen. If you then attempt to respond and the coach again interrupts, you can say, “Coach, I think I understand your concern. Would you like to hear my response?” If the coach will not let you respond, he is only being argumentative and it’s okay to disengage.

Ways to disengage:

“I understand your concern.”

“I understand your concern, we need to move on.”

“I understand your concern. I’ve provided my explanation. You need to stop.”

“Coach, no more. We’re done talking about that issue.”

Sometimes a coach will be so angry he will not be able to clearly think. If that’s the case, you can grab an assistant coach (as long as he’s not also exhibiting unconstrained emotion), explain the issue to him, and then ask him to pass the information to the head coach. If the head coach is not in the mood to listen, sometimes an assistant can convey the message.

If a coach crosses the line, we don’t need to take his abuse. Yes, we must attempt to deescalate, and sooth rather than incite. No, we don’t need to stand meekly and absorb a beating.

Loud, demonstrative, profane behavior warrants a flag. No questions asked, no second chances.

If a coach personally attacks you or the crew, it’s sometimes appropriate to offer him a chance to reconsider his words. One option is to ask a coach if he’d be willing to repeat what he just said. Maybe that will cause the coach to reconsider personal attacks. NFL official Robin DeLorenzo will say to a coach, “You are about to cross a line, so I will give you a moment to roll that back because I’m sure that is not what you meant.” 


Quiz

Read the quiz stem and then choose the best answer(s).

4/10 from the R-45. R33 muffs Team K’s punt and then bats the ball into the end zone from the R-6. K10 recovers the ball in the end zone.

  1. The result of the play is a safety
  2. The result of the play is a touchdown
  3. The result of the play is a touchback. Team R will next snap the ball at the R-10
  4. The result of the play is a touchback. Team R will next snap the ball at the R-3

Review Rule 2-13-4a, 2-16-2h (PSK), Rule 6-3-1, Rule 8-5-3 and 4, Rule 10-4 (Basic Spots)

Click below to reveal the Quiz answer and accompanying explanations.