Adapted from a CrownRefs Facebook article (Coaches… If You Want a Real Conversation, Use Realistic Language), February 9, 2026. I’ve adapted some of the wording, replacing basketball-specific terminology and positions with their football equivalents.
One of the easiest ways a coach can drag an official into an unproductive conversation is with exaggerated, dramatic language:
“HE GOT CRUSHED!”
“THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT!”
“THEY’RE HOLDING US EVERY PLAY!”
“WE’RE GETTING KILLED OUT HERE!”
Those words don’t describe specific football actions. They express emotion. And if we accept that framework, we can quickly find ourselves debating the coach’s characterization of the play instead of discussing what actually happened.
Here’s the standard I recommend:
When a coach uses exaggerated language, don’t bite. Don’t become defensive. Don’t try to prove the coach wrong or “win” the argument. Instead, calmly redirect the conversation toward the specific football action that concerns the coach.
Try something like:
“Coach, I can help you, but tell me specifically what you’re concerned about.”
“If you have a question about a specific action on the play, I’m happy to talk about it.”
“Coach, tell me what you saw.”
The goal isn’t to shut down communication. It’s exactly the opposite. We’re trying to move the conversation from emotion and accusation toward something we can actually discuss.
1. Exaggeration is bait.
Whether intentional or not, exaggerated language invites an emotional response. “They’ve been holding us all night!” almost begs the official to respond, “No, they haven’t.” Now we’re arguing over the coach’s exaggeration instead of discussing a particular block.
Don’t take the bait.
If the coach says, “They’re holding us every play,” redirect him toward something specific: “Coach, give me a number and tell me what he’s doing.”
Now we have something we can work with.
2. Specific language creates productive conversations.
There’s a big difference between “They’re holding us every play!” and “What are you seeing between my tackle and number 72?”
The second gives us something specific we can discuss.
The same is true when a coach moves from “He got crushed!” to “Was that hit legal?” Or from “That was a cheap shot!” to “Was that legal contact during the play?”
Those are football questions. They give us an opportunity to explain what we saw, what we ruled, or what we will watch for on the next play.
We may agree with the coach. We may disagree. We may even tell him that we didn’t have a good look at the action he is describing. But at least we are now talking about the play instead of arguing about an emotional characterization of it.
3. You train the standard.
Every interaction teaches coaches something about how they can communicate with us.
If dramatic accusations consistently produce lengthy explanations and debates, we may unintentionally teach coaches that dramatic accusations work. If we calmly redirect those comments toward specific football concerns, we establish a different standard.
“Coach, tell me what you saw.”
“Give me a number.”
“Tell me specifically what he’s doing.”
Over time, coaches learn that this is the type of information that helps us.
Our job isn’t to entertain hyperbole or win arguments with coaches. Our job is to serve the game with credibility and control. Good communication is part of that responsibility.
So when a coach gets dramatic, stay calm. Don’t argue with the exaggeration. Redirect the conversation toward specific actions and what actually occurred.
What happened? Who did it? What specifically are you asking me about?
Now we can have a real conversation.
Quiz
Read the quiz stem and then choose the best answer. (Choose all that apply.)
3/5 from the A-45. A18 runs the ball and is downed on the B-35. During the run, the line judge contacts a Team A assistant coach in the restricted area at midfield. Team A’s head coach was previously flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct, and Team A has had no previous sideline warnings.
- 3/15 from the A-35
- 1/10 from midfield
- 1/10 from the B-35. Team A is given a sideline warning
- Team A’s head coach is disqualified
Review Rule 9-4-8 and 9-4-8 Penalty