When we put on the stripes, criticism comes with the job—whether from coaches, players, fans, or even other officials. That’s not something to resent; it’s part of the environment we’ve chosen. What matters isn’t the criticism itself, but how we respond to it.
Too many officials go “shields up” the moment they hear a question or a corrective comment. The problem is that when we become defensive, we stop listening, and communication breaks down. Let’s talk about two areas where “Don’t Be Defensive” makes all the difference.
1. With Coaches
Recently, I spoke with a coach who relayed a troubling account of an encounter he had with an umpire. The coach asked a simple question—whether a player with an eligible number who was ineligible by position had advanced beyond the expanded neutral zone during a passing play. Instead of having a constructive dialogue, the official immediately became defensive and responded, “That’s not my responsibility.”
Think about the impression this left. To the coach, it didn’t matter that the umpire may not have had primary responsibility for that call. What mattered was that he asked a respectful question and got a defensive, dismissive answer. That kind of response erodes credibility, damages trust, and makes communication harder for the rest of the crew.
Coaches deserve our courtesy. When they ask a legitimate question, not just venting or criticizing, it makes no sense for us to take an immediate defensive posture. The right approach is simple: listen to understand, then respectfully explain what you observed. Think of Chick-fil-A employees: polite, consistent, professional. A coach may still disagree, and that’s fine. But if you listen, provide facts, and respond calmly, you’ve done your job.
2. With Crewmates
Sometimes, a wing official may ask why you ruled a certain way because he may need information to relay to a coach. Or he may simply think you missed something. Don’t be indignant. Don’t treat it like a challenge to your credibility. He’s looking for understanding, just like the coach.
Have the maturity to listen. Maybe you’ll even learn something. When you respond with openness, you “win.” When you shut down, you “lose.”
It’s worth noting, if we expect our crewmates to listen with maturity and respond with professionalism, then we also have a responsibility to shape our own questions and comments with grace.
The way we frame something matters. A poorly worded question can sound like an accusation. For example, saying, “Didn’t you see that foul?” is different from calmly asking, “What did you see on that play?” The first creates defensiveness; the second invites dialogue.
Don’t just be willing to receive correction well. Be intentional in how you deliver it—with a solution-oriented mindset.
Bottom Line
We know we’ll face criticism. It’s part of being a football official. But being defensive doesn’t help anyone—not the coach, not your crewmates, and not yourself.
Listen first. Answer with clarity. Learn when you can. Carry yourself with maturity and professionalism.
Don’t be defensive, be open. That’s how we earn credibility, strengthen our crews, and improve as officials.
Quiz
Read the quiz stem and then choose the best answer. (Choose all that apply.)
3/6 from the A-43. The game clock is running. Team A has possession of the ball and leads by 2 points. With 2:30 on the game clock and 4 seconds on the play clock, A67 false starts.
- By rule, the game clock MUST start on the ready for play
- By rule, the game clock MAY start on the snap
- The referee will check with Team B’s head coach to see if he wants the clock to start on the snap
Review Rules 3-4-3h, 3-4-6 and 3-4-7